aking the spell of authentic despair

As my eyes come into focus
I turn to face to face the room
The movement from the sheets creates a breeze
Sweeps the dust from its place

It so quietly swarms
And hangs in the air
It shines in the light
And makes me aware

Death is looming in here
And it’s getting to you
Under dust, over time
It has been burying you

It now stirs up the room
As it enters my sight
Rising up from the dark
From the surface it lies

As if hinting to me
To choose day over night
To leave all of this dark
And seek the warmth of the light

Outside this room where my life wastes away
Her priorities lie
In collecting corks from bottles she plans to make into things

The Will to Give
I had built up all of my hopes and all of my plans
Only to have them stand and cast shadows of humiliation
Days would pass shadows would remain
A reminder of all of my dreams
I had to live humbled with
The disappointment of what never came to be

I vow from this day forward
My grieving will be brief
That I will continue to give to this world
Knowing I may never receive

I had come so far
Before being stripped and sent back to the start
It felt as though the air was tearing me apart

A hybrid of seasons had come
It swept across the land
It spared the lives of everyone else
While it destroyed everything I had done

The frost came in the night
My progress immortalized
All that I had left undone
Would be forever, frozen in time

I became known for this curse
It happened throughout my life
It needed to continue to occur
In order to keep my legacy alive

Before I know my time had arrived
It was already gone
Cursing the cold winds of change
My moment of peace was just the eye of the storm

The will to live is easy
You can exist without a care
The will to die shows it meant so much
That you couldn’t have it - and you couldn’t go on living without it

The will to give makes the best of nothing
It is a philosophy
That states you will continue to give to this world
Knowing you may never receive.

Satisfaction will come and in time it will leave us unsatisfied
As uncertainty returns
Bringing back the excitement to our lives
We can only enjoy so much stimulation
Before we stop responding and become despondent again.

I had built up all of my hopes and all of my plans
Only to have them stand and cast shadows of humiliation
Days would pass shadows would remain
A reminder of all of my dreams
I had to live humbled with
The disappointment of what never came to be

Those shadows still remain as landmarks of failed attempts
In their shade I work away at building a tower of character
One day it will be revealed and it will stand for man years
Casting a shadow of its own and striking fear in hearts - as will I

It is the discomfort that sets us apart
That wakes us up, that puts us to sleep
It is our pathetic moments
Which make us desire to be great

It is the starving itself
That makes us hungry to want more
Over time as you learn to fall
You’ll rise to your feet faster than the time before

Satisfaction is a peak on the verge of decline
It will be over in the blink of an eye
Take your time to feel every moment
A gradual climb will let you enjoy it

For your life is measured
By the degree of dynamic from your life to your death
The wait is long and the wait goes on
But it is better to travel hopefully than to arrive

Through the crests and troughs
I will have seen both sides
By the Pursuit of the Sun and the Allure of the Earth
I will have earned and spent my life

The will to give
There is no destination
There is only the journey


The Sun Was In My Eyes (Part I)
The sun was in my eyes
It blackened my sight
I was high with conviction
That I was invincible

The sun was in my eyes
I was stricken blind
I believed I could see through the dark
As I followed the un-guiding light

Pursuing the sun
While causes of mine are still alive
But barely carry on

Pursuing the sun
While friends lay in beds
Recovering from their recklessness

Give in to all the temptation
Give up on all your beliefs
Forget the feeling of the changing of seasons
Wishing that summer would go on forever
How long before it would get old
Would you miss looking forward to when it starts to get cold

The sun was in my eyes
It came through the trees
Consumed all of my mind
It was all I could see

The sun was in my eyes
Something became of my life
I left all else behind
And starred into the light

The sun was in my eyes
Putting it off for a rainy day
When it pours I’ll stay indoors
To try to make things right

The sun was in my eyes
Thin ice on a summer’s day
As I procrastinate
It falls apart and melts away

Pursuing the sun
While causes of mine are still alive
But barely carry on

Pursuing the sun
While friends lay in beds
Recovering from their recklessness

Going after the pleasures of summer
Betray the comforts of our dark little space
Believe their healing will cure all your trauma
Becoming the person you’ve claim to hate
True colors are shining through
Trading the black for the yellow, green and blue

The sun was in my eyes
It came through the trees
Consumed all of my mind
It was all I could see

The sun was in my eyes
Something became of my life
I left all else behind
And starred into the light

When summer came
I was overcome
Pursuing the sun and its hot summer days
On the long road on the way to the grave


The Sun Was In My Eyes (Part II)
The sun was in my eyes
It came through the trees
Consumed all of my mind
It was all I could see

The sun was in my eyes
Something became of my life
I left all else behind
And starred into the light

The sun was in my eyes
I could not see
Please find it in your heart
To forgive me

Pursuing the sun because you can
But still tell the night you’ll still see each other now and again
Let him down softly, be polite
Reassure him all the same that things will be like they’ve always have been

A fragile boy
With needs on you he depends
Who measures how much
It all meant to you by how quickly you left

A fragile boy
With needs on you he depends
With your negligence
You have pushed him to the edge

It was the darkness that kept us together…
…It was the light that led you away

You control our destiny
Reduce it back to an idea
I beg of you from agony
Please conform to decency

The sun was in my eyes
It came through the trees
Consumed all of my mind
It was all I could see

The sun was in my eyes
Something became of my life
I left all else behind
And starred into the light

The sun is shallow
It will shine for anyone
The night is loyal
Only to those who are true
Time will fly as you pursue the sun
But the night will be long and cold
And it will wait for you at home

When summer came
I was overcome
Something lost for something gained
Pursuing the sun and it’s hot summer days
On the long, backstabbing back-road on the way to the grave


Allure of the Earth
The sun taunts you
In everything you do
Like a substance that works for everyone else
But has no effect on you

It shines for places
You’ll never go
It shines for people
You’ll never know

You believe that in your entire life
You will never feel
What it’s like

So you turn away
Dream about an escape
A hole in the earth deep and cool
That you could climb down into

I despise the rising
Of the upsetting sun
I’ll hide away
Until the day is done

I’ll exclude myself
A few months of every year
To avoid the drama
Of the sun, sweat and tears

You could fall away
And no one would know
Release the tension of holding on
Feel the high of letting go

So you turn away
Elude the pressures of the sun
Go find your place in the shade
Far away from everyone

It’s so easy to get your fill
When the engine turns and pushes in the dirt
It’s so easy to be satisfied
When all you want to do is lay down and die

The Allure of the Earth
Those dreams can come true
When you make a deal with the earth
Who says…
“Here’s what I can do for you…”

The Allure of the Earth
When you are through with trying
When you are tired and days are long
Letting go seems so inviting

The Allure of the Earth
The desire to give up
It is the encouragement
When you are discouraged

The Allure of the Earth
When the urges aren’t worth fighting
The temptations on the great beyond
Become so exciting


Shedding the Deadwood
It’s no wonder I’ve felt so tired
I’ve witnessed the careless all running past me
While I’ve been told to ignore my desires
And grow numb with understanding

I walk through theses woods
I carry this deadwood
I am determined to see this through
Driven only by the guilt and the shame of giving up
I must complete what I set out to do - For you

It stayed on a shelf made of my arms
They had grown strong from giving support
I knew that my arms could hold out forever
It was my mind that’d grow tired
And in time would let go

It’s been so long since I have questioned
What it is that I really want
Instead I follow your directions
As you lead me on

I can’t use it to build my home
It will not fulfill my desires
Some wood can be used to help build a life
This wood will be used for building a fire

Why carry this deadwood with me…
…when were I’m going there will be living trees

Now close enough to carry it all to the end
But throwing it all to the ground instead

This bundle of deadwood
The pieces they fall
Corners indent the soil and accumulate on one another
Tumble down and pile up

It awkwardly spills like myself at a time
Like the time it had killed
Like every moment after it was collected and held

I’d give up all that I started
To pursue all that I wanted
I may arrive empty handed
But at least I will arrive


Dragged Across a Forest Floor
Another era has come to an end
You’ll return to where it began
Wandering at night on Ypres Rd.
To determine why you walk in the woods alone

A piece of out history I used to honour
They disrespected and disgraced
They took the ground upon which I walked
And rubbed it in my face

To me these woods are but a forest of metaphors
And nothing more
A path through the woods of my past
Where I was dragged across a forest floor

They breathe in the stagnant air
The poison sky shelters them from the sun
No exposure, nothing grows
No one ever wonders what lies beyond

So set in their old ways
They could only hope for change
Instead they flaunt their stubborn pride
Digging their own graves

To me these woods are but a forest of metaphors
And nothing more
A path through the woods of my past
Where I was dragged across a forest floor

I see the truth hidden between the trees
These tough woods are but delicate forest
Everyone for themselves in the hallowed name of unity

Finding comfort in their misery
They were doomed beyond the reach of help
Saved only by the unconditional love
Of hate for a place they couldn’t live without

All that I hoped to change
Would not be reversed by words alone
It would require all of their efforts
The lack of which was already set in stone

At a time when I could take no more
I was dragged across a forest floor

Sticks and stones
The combined discomfort of hundreds of pains
Thorns and Needles
I pull them out of my skin
While walking home

Accept the fact that they’ve missed your point
Conceal your motives and all your thoughts
Keep your opinions to yourself
Give them exactly what they want

There’s no hope for understanding
Our differences would not be solved
For my survival and my sanity
In time I learned to have tolerance for you all

Bite your tongue until it bleeds
Choke down the blood so no one sees
Fight the tears
Let them fall within
While you’re here
Never let your weakness show

These woods are full of hope
These woods are where I walk alone

Even at times
When standing still
Strength and speed
Still lie dormant within
You will see me channel the pain
As blood leaves my core and fills my veins

These woods are but a forest of metaphors
And nothing more

The tall trees above
They are the ones that exist
The fallen leaves are those that have fallen to my feet
The trails of broken branches
These are the mistakes you make
The seeds are the ones to be that I push in the earth
With every step I take


Summer's Envy
How dare you subject me
To Summer’s Envy
I will shine brighter than the day you left me
You will see traces of you in my revenge
Which is in everything I do

When summer comes
Your spotlight is the sun
You can do as you please
And get whatever you want

How dare you subject me
To Summer’s Envy
I will shine brighter than the day you left me
You will see traces of you as I avenge
Everything you put me through

In the daytime
When everyone can see
It makes you look so good
Being cruel to me

How dare you subject me
To Summer’s Envy
I will shine brighter than the day you left me
On that day you may have had my jealousy
But in time I will have yours and you will envy me

The summer sun may soothe your pain
As you escape to bathe in its rays
But you’ll still come home to drown in me
Or at least where I used to be

The things I’ve said
The sound of my laugh
My hopes and dreams
Where I lay with you
Your memories of me

How dare you subject me
To Summer’s Envy
I will shine brighter than the day you left me
One day I’ll be able to make my peace with you
But not until years of revenge come true


The Ghosts of Summers Past
There is a comfort in longing for
Something that’s gone forever
It shows how much that something meant to you
When it was here

To a person who claims
To never having had anything
They can be confronted by
The empty space where something once was

I could only remember feeling so bad
When the present time was passing by
Looking back now I realise
That the best and worst times in my life
Could coincide

My greatest achievement is also my greatest loss
The best thing I ever had is forever gone

It is a dark and fulfilling feeling of frustration
To reminisce and feel the opposite of anticipation

It is a talent of the soul
To discover the joys in pain
Thinking of moments you long for
Knowing you’ll never have them again

A moment of euphoria
Inspired by a photograph from that summer
I remember how we hated everything
And in that we managed to find comfort in each other

Those days are gone, my heart goes on
I long for the way it used to be
When summer comes it will return
That feeling will become again
It comes on strong and so fast
But you know that it won’t last
It’s just the hauntings of
The ghosts of summer’s past

And though they are far behind me
I can still hear them calling
As if they were right beside me
Tempting my comfort in longing


Outro: The End of August
On a county road
Under the purple sky
Fields of nothing
At our sides
The End of August
And into autumn
We stood at the edge
And watched the storm

The End of August
And into autumn
We prepare to get serious again

On a county road
Under the purple sky
Fields of nothing
At our sides
The End of August
And into autumn
We stood at the edge
And watched the storm

The End of August
And into autumn
A year from now I’ll be so far away

On a county road
Under the purple sky
Fields of nothing
At our sides
The End of August
And into autumn
We stood at the edge
And watched the storm